Read all about it
by sassaricando
Summary: Falling into the portal with Emma, Henry and the pirate wasn't easy. Neither was going to FTL to see her mother raising a six year old Zelena. So when her son plotted to get her together with the Savior and the handless fool kept making moon eyes at Cora, Regina knew they were walking a fine line by defying Fate and erasing the book. But maybe they could write something better. SQ
1. Chapter 1

**Sumary: '**_Regina found herself in the same unfortunate predicament yet again: jumping inside a portal after her very curious son and being followed by Miss Swan and the insipid pirate. Only this time they didn't land in Neverland to overcome a boy with growing issues, but rather they were sucked to the Enchanted Forest back on time. Back exactly six years after her mother decided to keep Zelena and changed everyone's future with that simple decision. So now their mission was to make sure the brunette was born and somehow preserve their identity while they figured a way back home. Certainly it wasn't the simplest quest. Not when her son was plotting an operation to get her together with his crude birth mother and the handless drunk was making moon eyes to Cora. _

_If that wasn't enough, they needed to save mother and sister who wronged her from the dark imposed presence of a mysterious man with an uncanny connection with her family who had his mind set on controlling a little blonde girl with ice powers. While Henry's lies got spread like wildfire and painted targets on their backs, they all learned about taking responsibilities as Regina was mortified to see her two companions' brash actions erasing the past and rewriting a new story._

_One where the Evil Queen may find her True Love wasn't supposed to be sweet and gentle Daniel, but the crass offspring of her great nemesis who had her stubborn mind set on saving her, against all odds._

_One where they must fight with all their might not to bent to their fortune because destiny is not set on stone. With the life altering fact that sometimes evil is indeed born and Fate strings are the hardest to break._

_(Still it would all be less draining if the coarse and lewd pirate wasn't trying to court her mother and be a father to her wicked sister. But well, at least he wasn't trying to woo Emma anymore, so small victories.)'_

Yes, endless summary I know and I'm sorry. Hope to hear your thoughts and criticism. Mistakes are all mine and all that jazz (if someone's willing to beta, I won't be opposed. I'm probably throw a ball in fact.).

Oh, it's a Swan Queen story of fucking course, Black Hook (as in Hook and Cora) and Elsa|Zelena (Frozen Witch, Ice Wicked, not sure) very, very later on.

**Disclaimer: **I only own my sore throat and my cold. Not Once Upon a Time and not a dime to my name.

* * *

"We have to talk now, Miss Swan." That said, as politely as her fuming mood could have allowed, Regina turned on her heels and marched out of the diner to wait for the woman.

With a deep sigh to control her murderous determination, the brunette crossed her arms and straightened her resolve.

The idiot _knew _what their conversation was about, if her guilty face and scared eyes worth a hint. Besides she couldn't be _that _dense.

But then again, the blonde wasn't known for her deep intellect and wise choices. Especially regarding her significant others. From a coward who left her in jail to pay for _his _crimes to a handless drunk pirate who still could live another thousand years and never comprehend the meaning of a simple and straight 'no', the Savior had covered all the bases. Or so she thought.

Until her last romantic endeavor with a flying monkey, that was the final nail in her proverbial coffin.

Well, Miss Swan's lack of self-esteem and repulsive love affairs were not the topic of their discussion now - or ever. Merely the fact that she was planning to take _her son _back to New York without saying a word about it -not that it would change a thing, although Regina had every right to know, if only to prevent said twisted plan - was simply preposterous!

And trust the former Evil Queen to make her opinion on the matter very _clear_.

"Hey, Regina! I-"

"How dare you?!" She turned a vindictive glare to her companion that made the woman shut her mouth and bite her tongue. Good. "How dare you plan to kidnap _my_ son back to New York without telling me a word?"

The guilty look on the cursed woman's face did little to reassure her. In fact, it only spurred her more in her regal march until she was face to face with a frightened savior.

"Look, I'm sorry about it, but I just-" The blonde tried to talk her nonsense but once again she was cut short by the mayor.

"You just what, Miss Swan?" She enunciated her words very slowly trying to take her anger in control. To no avail. Probably because the kidnapper was looking pale and tongue-tied while she took deep breaths. "Let me see, you just though that you have any right to take Henry back with you since I, regrettably, gave you my memories of _our _life together and because of that you assumed you are entitled to make the calls about his life now?"

After hearing that, the obnoxious woman took the last step into Regina's personal space assuming her attacking posture and sneered back with an annoyed stare that cut through her soul. That was better for it was almost ordinary for them.

Almost being the imperative word.

Any other day, she would have spared a minute or two to analyze this unfortunate predicament she found herself in -with the arrogant Savior more or less glued to her upper body and baring her teeth like an animal preparing to bite her mouth off; she could even feel the idiot's breaths on her face; as if the blonde would be _that _crazy to try to attack her physically.

But today wasn't any other day and in addition to feeling a sudden urge to throw the exasperating blonde away, nothing that woman did would make her back off.

"Here's the thing, Regina, Henry is _my _son with or without your memories. So if he and I decide to go live in hell, you can bet your goddamn money that we will and you won't try to stop us!" She had the audacity to contemplate that delusion as if the brunette would just let her gallivant around the world doing lord knows what with _her _precious boy.

Oh the fool had no idea how close she was to flying through Granny's windows like her last furry valentine.

"Don't you try-"

"Hey, moms! Let's come inside! Grandma said it's time to hear my uncle's name- whoa! That's creepy!" Before Regina could set the blonde aflame where she stood, Henry appeared just behind them and his voice was enough to make the foolish Savior jump back with the brunette still staring daggers at her, cringing at her lack of social grace. Sadly the insufferable woman's scared leap was a dead giveaway and her boy only looked at them and sighed. The former Evil Queen rolled her eyes, that woman was simply impossible! "Don't tell me you two are arguing again? Come on now, what's that about?"

If looks could kill, they would be chucking Miss Swan's body out of the river before dinner.

"We are having a conversation, kid." The fool said making the brunette narrow her eyes. "We will be back-"

"Aye, love!" Unfortunately that hideous voice could only belong to a person. One that she despised with an endless passion. "Well, hello, Regina." He had the audacity to smirk at her. She sneered at him and he turned his coarse gaze towards the former sheriff. "Anyway, your parents are only waiting for you two to make their announcement so hurry up, ladies. Before your mother starts one of her lectures about family always sticking together and David says you'll always find each other." The repugnant man said and the Savior made a face while Regina and Henry rolled their eyes. "Yeah, it gets quite tiring after some time." The other three sighed and her son glared at them with an 'and it will be your fault' begging to be said.

Regina had to agree with that. She spent enough time trying to redeem herself to let the idiots bring the Evil Queen back with that ridiculously sappy sentence. Her son would be disappointed.

Even though her relationship with those two was slightly less homicide - because nothing restored peace as much as a life threatening family reunion with lunatic siblings, deadly confrontations and time traveling spells. Maybe alcohol, but she wouldn't endure the misery that two drunk Charmings would most likely bring. And, out of the little goodness still resting in her heart, she still extended the truce to their brash older spawn.

Only to be betrayed. Again.

So yes, it was wise to say that she wasn't feeling very generous with that godforsaken family now.

"And Robin is asking for you, Regina." Oh! She almost forgot her soulmate in her desperate need to break the former sheriff's neck. The name brought a small smile to her face.

That Miss Swan made her personal duty to take it off a second later.

"Of course he is." Said Savior sneered with a distaste that took even Henry by surprise. She gritted her teeth. It would be oh so easy to throw a fireball at her right now.

Smile long gone, she didn't even hide or pretended not to glare at the woman. Who was glaring just back at her.

"Whoa, love! What's wrong with the lad? Anything you want to share with us?" The blonde turned her ice cold eyes towards the brainless pirate with a force that could have given her a whiplash.

Regrettably it didn't.

And the handless wonder kept his perverted smirk in place.

"Guys, just look at that!" Henry yelled pointing at something luckily interrupting that idiotic stare contest between Miss Swan and her filthy man toy before he made another comment that would leave Regina no option but to magic away his tongue. "Hey, you need to see it!" Her son said impatiently.

"What's wrong, Hen-"

"What the fuck is that?!" The brunette's question was interrupted by the crass blonde's impolite yelp and she couldn't help her hateful stare.

At least the woman had the decency to look somewhat ashamed. If she was ever capable of such feat.

"Bloody hell!" Then it was her sad excuse for a lover's time to express his surprise. And it still eluded her how could a man as unpolished as that one have better manners than a _princess_. "What in God's name is that?" She took a deep breath and turned to look at the spectacle.

Maybe another one of Miss Swan's lovers were flying through the skies.

If only she was so lucky.

"Wait a second, I'll go bring my book and see if there's any explanation for that." Her boy rushed his words and ran back inside the diner to accomplish his mission though it wasn't necessary.

She knew _exactly _what that was. And that made her straighten her jaw in anger.

Her day was getting better and better it seemed.

"That is Zelena's time portal." Regina failed to see how her simple observation could be misunderstood to make her companions gape at her in confusion.

She had to remind herself that she was dealing with brainless Swan and her lovesick puppet. That was her only explanation.

"But how? I mean, is that even possible?" The Savior's simple mind never ceased to exasperate her and Regina just leveled her with a glare, because she's never been one to have time for stupidity.

"Well, Miss Swan, it is already happening as I trust you can see." She snapped and rolled her eyes.

Of course even after death her beloved sister would not pass a chance to haunt and destroy her.

Just like their mother.

She couldn't help but think that they must have taken control over hell and banished the devil because it wasn't possible to be this maddening from grave.

Why couldn't they just rest in peace as everyone else?

"Crap! What are we going to do?" She would have laughed at the blonde's pitiable expression if she wasn't being consumed by dread.

"We can sit on the table and order a drink while we watch the town be sucked by a time traveling portal that nobody knows how to close." She snapped without her usual angry bite, only because she was tired.

And it sounded like a fairly good plan after all.

Though the Savior actually had a grimace and looked offended by very the idea.

Anyway, there was no magic she could use to stop it for the simple fact that she was still having a hard time believing it was even possible.

"Hey! We got to do something, Regina! This can't be the end!" She turned her exhausted eyes to the voice and saw the blonde who, merely hours ago, was almost jogging her way back to New York to get away from all of that – kidnapping her beloved son in the run – stare at her with determined eyes and a straight stance. "We won't lose now, we –"

But her moving speech was interrupted by a running Henry who passed them in a rush carrying the doomed book.

"We gotta go now!" Said her son's panting voice already far away from them.

"What the-" The handless fool said and she was forced to remember that he was still with them.

"Where do you think you are going, kid?" The former sheriff shouted before giving Regina one of _their _looks. The brunette just nodded.

And, as always, no more words were exchanged after that.

She could entertain the fact that they had a sort of 'mutual understanding' – because enduring someone wasn't a description of a relationship – that made talking superfluous, opened portals to different realms, stopped a deadly unstoppable device from destroying the whole town and even conjured an eclipse. It also left a lingering feeling of electricity running through her system every time they touched.

But she didn't.

Between racing after her teenager boy and trying to come up with a plan to close an open and unheard of time traveling portal, she had no time to amuse herself with such mindless thoughts.

Not when she had to keep herself in check and – lord help her! – needed the other woman's help to save their son from being sucked into another probably doomed realm with dangerous witchcraft and deranged people holding a grudge against her – there were truly endless possibilities!

Maybe Emma was right in wanting Henry far away from that cursed town.

She looked at the woman running like mad beside her for a moment. And she probably sensed the stare and locked her gaze with the brunette.

Regina knew she was looking desperate and probably worse for wear – she was racing in high heels after all – but the look she received was pure understanding and utter determination. She somehow always linked that to the woman by her side for reasons she wouldn't dare to elucidate. Not when she was planning to ground Henry until his graduation and probably forbid him to ever _mention _magic, let alone go after it.

Perhaps they should move to England and find him a good boarding school.

But then he would come across his Harry Potter collection and scheme an operation to save the warlock from that nose-less villain and God knows what kind of hell they would have go through to save their son again.

Perhaps New York was a nice enough option. People didn't have time to concoct evil spells, curse towns or travel through time and realms when they worked eight or more hours a day. She could just ask the blonde anyway. When they weren't facing such a wrenched ordeal that is.

Yes, the three of them would have a serious talk after that.

* * *

Who knew her kid was so athletic? Well, certainly not Emma. Not after she almost had a heart attack by running like a sprinter after him.

Eventually, they got to him. He was catching his breath staring from his book to the barn as if it would magically fix that wreck.

Yeah, it wouldn't and didn't.

He was oh _so _fucking grounded she would only let him go out of her sight when he got married.

Even then, she would keep an eye on him. With her luck, the kid would probably marry Dorothy and take the motherfucking yellow brick road on his honeymoon.

"Lad, you-" She was surprised to hear a panting Hook addressing her son. Was he with them all this time? "you can't just do this!" Emma rolled her eyes to his parenting skills. No shit Sherlock.

"Henry Christian Mills, you are grounded until Snow White stop talking to her damned birds!" Holla fucker! That woman knew how to make a threat. She snickered to herself, of course she knew! After spending half her life terrorizing Snow, no one could spell revenge as much as Regina.

Well, maybe her sister.

Or her mother.

Anyway, yes! That was Regina sounding almost normal after their crazy jog _in heels._ How could she do that when the blonde wasn't feeling her legs she'll never know.

It had to be magic. It was the fucking answer to everything in regards of this town nowadays.

Even so, Emma promised to herself that she won't eat another burger. Or doughnuts. Or pizza. Or hot do-

"Come on, mom! We need to close this portal! It must be pretty dangerous!" He said waving that freaking book like a wand.

"Yes, I know _all_ of that. But that only means you need to stay far away from it before we figure what to do." Emma nodded her head along, she couldn't do much more than that and, by the looks of it, neither could Hook.

"But mom! I think-" The kid's whine was cut through a blow of wind that blasted open the barn doors and of fucking course sucked him in the goddamn portal's direction like a black hole.

Motherfucking Zelena!

She came back to her senses after hearing a devastating yell of 'moms' coming from her son who was holding one of the doors as the portal got wild and menacing.

Crap!

"Hold on, kid!" She yelled from where she stood and prepared herself for another run before Regina beat her to it.

"Henry! No!" That heart wrenching moan of pain came from her side and that was when she saw that the fucking son of a bitch time screwing portal sucked their kid in, making his other mom run in the same way to certainly jump after their boy.

"Regina!" She yelled but it was too late. Her kid disappeared inside that stupid lightening crap that was getting weaker and smaller, probably meaning it was about to close anytime soon. And his other mother was just leaping after him.

Like fuck she would let it suck Regina and their kid and would stay behind.

There was no way in hell she would leave her favorite people – yes, she definitely had a brain damage to put Regina on that list but she liked to think that their dog and bickering days were over.

"Don't you dare, Swan!" She ignored the pirate and dived inside the portal before even thinking of the consequences. Between losing both brunettes forever and staying behind moping with _Hook_, she had no other option. Really.

Not that she had any plan or knew where they were going or how to bring them back, but if she heard something of Snow's countless tries to convince her about staying with them because that was her home and they were family and would stalk their way into always finding her, was the simple fact that she would never – ever! – leave _her _family to suffer far away from her.

And it wouldn't be a stupid sucking sucker portal that would change that!

She learned the hard way that nobody stays for far too long – hell! She never did! – and they would care for you to a fault. Then they would simply leave her and move on – just like Neal.

So in her twisted foster kid's mind, it didn't matter if people only protected her when it was convenient, only fought her battles – if ever! – when they could win or only loved her when they gained something (most of the times it was money) in return.

Family means fighting to lose and never giving up; protecting when she had no idea how she could even save herself; loving when it was easier to let go and going through hell with and for them because it didn't matter if she was safe when her people weren't.

That all means that before she saw the back of Regina's head, she was head diving inside that shit.

She probably shouldn't because there was no way to know where she would land and falling from the sky head first would definitely crack her skull open. But oh!

The last thing she heard was Hook muttering something like 'I have to stop chasing after her' or anything similar and if she wasn't being sucked inside a fucking time traveling portal she would have rolled her eyes.

It must say something that he was always chasing her when she was miles running after Regina.

Because of Henry. Obviously.

She wouldn't dare to think of another possibility.

Whatever, she was the Savior and she would be damned if she didn't save her own family.

Yes, that was what the bitchy Mayor meant to her. Family. Even with her snappy and I-am-better-than-you behavior that enraged Emma to her last bone, her goddamn infuriating language and her disregard for personal space, never in a million years she would simply _not_ save her. But it didn't mean she liked the prospect of risking her life and sanity to assure the high and mighty brunette's heath every fucking time!

Seriously she had done it all: the blonde rescued her from a fire and even protected her from an angry mob claiming revenge! Although nothing could beat that disturbing fail safe when she was _so _sure she was going to lose that hateful woman forever and somehow the very idea was so horrifying that Emma decided to be exploded to pieces with her. Because-

Henry loved his evil and exasperating mother and that was that. Never mind the annoying woman ever sparing a single thought to her! No! She even dared to date a worthless thief who couldn't even protect her heart (or himself). _That _was fucking unfair! After all she went through to save that manipulative brunette for-

The kid, all she gained was sarcastic angry retorts and glares that promised her every sort of painful torture she could dream of. And _that _stupid man had everything given to him because of a motherfucking tattoo! How in hell did he even get it? Was there some sort of studio back in the Enchanted Forest?

Whatever! And where were the jerk right now when his _girlfriend _just jumped after Henry to save his everlasting grounded ass? Eating and drinking without a care while she got herself into another mess to save that grumpy woman. Again!

Life was fucking unfair indeed!

(Though she refused to live hers without that bewitched brunette.)

* * *

"Oh God! Mom?!" The first thing he saw was his brunette mom lying on the floor and looking unconscious. Oh no! "Mom! Come on! Get up!" He couldn't help but remember Lion King and just that thought filled him with dread. No! It simply couldn't be! "Please, mom… Please." He whispered holding her head and willing her to open her eyes.

And she did, after a beat or two. He finally managed to breath.

"Henry?" She whispered and he nodded and cleaned his tears to give her a sad smile. "Oh baby! Are you okay? Did you get hurt?"He shook his head and before she could fully sit, he almost smashed her in a bear hug. "It's everything okay, my love. It's everything okay."

His mother held him back and rocked him on her lap. Just like she always did when he was a kid.

Yeah, he missed it like hell.

"You are _so _grounded, kid!" Emma's bark almost made him jump away from his mom in surprise and he turned around to look at her. She looked like crap. "Seriously? What this damn book says about being sucked into a freaking time traveling portal? Because from where I stand, it doesn't sound like the best plan to close this crap!" His Ma said after getting up whispering curses under her breath.

He and his mom just rolled their eyes.

That was until he got up and helped his mom to her feet and looked around them. Yeah, it didn't look like Storybrooke, but thank God it didn't look like Neverland either. He kinda had some issues with kids his age after that one.

"Well, where are we?" His Ma asked his mom and he looked around the village that was closer by, just behind some pretty big trees.

"We are in the Enchanted Forest." Regina said nodding to herself and trying to find some clue to fill the blanks. "I just don't know when or where." But apparently she didn't.

His Ma just sighed and the three of them got a look around the forest.

Everything was so different from New York and Storybrooke that he couldn't help but beam at the fact that his dream to go to the land and see the princes, the knights, the kingdoms and finally meet everyone of his favorite book story finally came true.

He felt giddy, happy and ready to go around and get to know every place. And ride horses holding a sword just like a brave knigh-

"Oh hell!" His thoughts were interrupted by a loud thud and Captain Hook's whining voice. His moms rolled their eyes – Regina sneered and Emma made a 'seriously' face. "I'm okay, I'm okay!" He almost informed Hook that neither one of his moms cared about him but he saw no need to make the guy sad. He was kinda weirdo but not all bad.

And his moms started another one of their creepy stare conversation that had Regina narrowing her eyes and Emma smirking.

Adults were _so strange. _

"Well, what do you think we should do, Regina?" His Ma asked with her smirk still in place and his other mom scoffed, looking outraged. What the hell was that? Were they reading each other's mind now?

"We should go to the village and find out where and when we are, love. Maybe have a drink or two." That was Hook and his brunette mom glared at the man so viciously with such disgust that perhaps she was thinking of a spell to curse him. "What? Do you have a better idea, Regina?" Yeah, Hook was a stupid idiot.

But, thankfully, before his mom could incinerate him alive, his Ma held her forearm almost carefully and there was that strange behavior again.

His Ma was looking almost sad from having to save Hook's life and his mom was rolling her eyes and grimacing kinda like a pout, only scarier. Then Emma got into Regina's personal space again – which was written somewhere as her Savior duties, he was sure – and gave her another crazy smirk, motioning with her head to him.

He looked at Hook, standing like a scarecrow by his side and looking jealous and crossing his arms with his chin held high.

As if he could compete with the Queen and the White Knight. Henry smirked to himself and turned to look back at them the exact moment his mom decided to spare the pirate's life – at least for the moment – and exhaled loud with annoyance. His birth mom got a bigger and creeper smile but never let go of his adoptive mom's forearm. In fact, if his eyes weren't deceiving him, she was holding Regina almost fondly.

Yeah, that was definitely bizarre.

"Well?!" Hook fumed by his side and Emma's smile fell from her face to turn into a grimace at him while Regina cleared her throat and pretended to look at the nonexistent wrinkles on her coat, secretly freeing her arm from his blonde mom's hold.

And yeah, Ma didn't like it one bit and glared at her hand, as if the limb was responsible for touching mom without her consent. His mom turned and it would be kinda difficult to take her expression in but he knew her good enough to see the red cheeks, the wandering eyes and the bite on the lip.

That was when he decided to really see his two moms and finally got her interactions.

Regina looked like a flattered girl being asked out by her crush and Emma acted like the crushing hard kid who only embarrassed herself because she was a mad weirdo and total pussy to admit her feelings.

"I think we should go and see if we find out exactly where we landed and question about the kingdom to gather the time we are in." His mom said after clearing her throat for the second time and looked at him to ignore a pirate rolling his eyes and his awkward blonde mom glaring at her feet like a psycho.

"That's just what I suggested." Hook muttered and was ignored.

Until mom looked at Ma and the blonde magically knew she was being stared at and held her head high – pretty damn fast, way too fast – to stare back at her nodding and clearing her throat too like it was the new trend.

He almost cleared his throat too.

It made him remember Walsh, the flying ex, and his birth mom's relationship with him. He was kinda an okay guy (before turning into a monkey and flying away) and they had an easy relationship. Ma would cook – because thank God his mom gave her a cooking book worth memories – and Walsh would bring some white wine (according to the guy, it went with everything) and do the dishes and they would sit on the coach to watch romantic movies and they kissed and held hands. They would go on dates to have dinner and the movies to watch even more sappy stuff and be very gross together. And Ma would go back home wearing an easy smile.

Because that's what they were together: easy.

But his Ma wasn't easy in slightest. She was crude and graceless and drove that very old and beaten death trap – as mom always said. She hated dresses and girly stuff and she never liked romantic novels or movies – he still didn't know how she could watch that crap with Walsh back then. She broke things, she had some very ill table manners – that his mom never spoke bad stuff about, he wondered why – she hated white wine. And hated fiercely (she told him something about a nasty hangover that she never forgot). She was pretty hard on herself too and would choose to suffer rather than hurt someone she cared about. Like his mom.

And they were difficult. And different. And pretty much into each other.

It made sense. Even being utter stupid, Emma was always by mom's side against the world – sometimes even against him, back when he was a jerk to mom, and he regretted every hurtful thing he did. And the way his mom looked at her so openly, so trusty, so desperate for understanding was something she never did with anyone. Not even Robin – who was another good guy, but could never hold a candle to Ma.

They needed each other and understood each other. They had those stare contests and figured something out without a word. They made magic together –that was pretty cool. And they were both bad ass in their own way.

Mom was pretty sick in her 'I-rule-the-world-and-you-are-beneath-me-beware-for-I-may-curse-you-any-minute' and she had good taste and an amazing style and was simply a dream come true – if you overlooked the 'I cursed you and your whole family and screwed your life over' part. And Ma was a very beautiful disaster who broke more stuff than fixed, as rude as she could come and was unable to think before going into motion with that lesbian red leather jacket that mom pretended to hate but never did and the style of someone who never put thought into nothing. Still she was good looking and had a very big heart.

And they were still staring at each other. Until mom broke the spell and crossed her arms, looking around to guard herself.

Ma scowled at a tree.

Hook sneered at them and cleared his throat. Seriously, what was going on with that? Ma took a deep breath and exhaled loudly looking very crossed. Mom ignored them.

Adults were so strange, but his moms were the worst.

"Shall we, ladies?" Hook said and Ma shrugged while his mom turned and started to walk ahead, going to the village.

His birth mom looked sad being left behind and jogged to her making the pirate roll his eyes, but the duo just watched and strolled after his moms.

"So that means you can't get us back to Storybrooke, right?" His Ma asked and he rolled his eyes because yeah, Emma was pretty dumb sometimes. He couldn't see his mom's expression from behind them but he was pretty assured she was glaring very nastily at Ma.

Again, stupid question.

"Yes, Miss Swan, I can, but I always wanted to be brought back to the past with such very sparkling company." His Ma was rolling her eyes, the fool.

"Jezz! Sorry to waste your time, Your Majesty." She said to fake her hurt but mom didn't acknowledge. They continued to march in silence for some time, but Ma was never good at keeping her mouth shut. "And it's Emma." That made mom stop in surprise and look at her.

"What?" His birth mom probably rolled her eyes again.

"My name is Emma not 'Miss Swan', Regina." She said and started to walk once again leaving his mom to sigh and resume her walk a minute later.

"Vey well, Emma." She conceded and they kept their pace some steps ahead of him and a jealous Hook.

Henry could not see their faces and even if he did, he was pretty sure they were simply looking serious and aloof. But he was pretty sure his Ma was almost cracking a smile after mom called her by the first name.

Poor woman, she really needed his help to get his mom. And lucky her, he was nothing if the very best at scheming operations. Though this one would probably be his greater and most difficult plan yet.

At least they had time.

Operation Making Mom Fall in Love With Ma or simply Ugly Duckling – because both of them always were the odd ones out, so it made sense and his Ma was already a Swan, so that could be his inside joke – was on!

(His only problem would be his mom's relationship with Robin, but he was sure that wouldn't be a trouble after he got his plan on phase two. And anyway, the adults always said something about 'out of sight out of mind', so it only made sense. Besides, she is only with him because she thinks he is her last chance at happiness and that is very sad and untrue. They could be happy with his Ma and the three of them could live in New York. Mom would love the city. Ma even learned with him how to extend the plants lives to more than a week, they surely could manage an apple tree to mom.)

He smiled to himself. That would be a blast! And he would eat his mom's food every night, which always restored his happiness.

That was the best endgame he could think for his cool operation. And his moms would find true love and all that jazz. He would be reunited with his mom's lasagna and that was true love too.

Now he only needed to play his cards right. Nothing too hard. Or, at least, he hoped so.

* * *

"Stop." Before they actually got to the village or whatever the hell that was Regina told her and stopped to glance around looking for something. Emma jogged to her side again.

"What's the matter? Did you see someone? Is it magic? Are you hurt?" She couldn't stop her mouth to babbler her concern in a crazy rush and the only good part of making a fool of herself in front of the woman was the small smile Regina gave her that may or may not have turned her cheeks red.

"We can't go there wearing those clothes, Emma. They will suspect something." Well, that made sense so she nodded a couple times. What didn't make sense was the relief and pure joy that engulfed her after hearing her name coming from Regina's mouth. She decided not to dwell on that.

"Is something wrong, moms?" The kid asked jogging to her and Regina's smile got bigger and brighter. A very beautiful sight.

"Everything is fine, Henry, I just need to magic us some different attire so we don't gain much attention." The brunette's smile was too good for words.

"Cool!" Their kid nodded, excited to have some clothes like his fairytale heroes. Regina beamed and Emma felt her heart going nuts inside her chest.

Whatever, she didn't have time for that.

"That would be impossible for me not to call attention with all this dashing charm, ladies." That could only be stupid Hook and the blonde rolled her eyes before looking at Regina who thankfully ignored his very existence.

That was until she remembered something.

"Er, Regina, can you not maybe, I don't know, dress me with a- well, with a dress?" She asked embarrassed and the brunette just looked at her in question for a moment or two that got her even more anxious. "I mean, I don't like dresses and in case we need to fight, it would be better to have comfortable clothes, that's all." Emma said even redder by the time she was finished and the other woman, bless her!, only nodded in understanding.

"Very well. Just close your eyes, you two." She said to them and Emma and Henry obeyed before she did her trick. "You can open now." And they did.

She looked at her clothes and was relieved to see herself wearing a black tunic like the one Charming had on Henry's book when he put her inside the wardrobe (just, well, black) and a simple gray trouser with a pair of black knee high boots that looked almost as the one she used. The blonde smiled to herself and looked at the kid, wearing something exactly like her, just with a white tunic (and that one was surely the same David used) and blue pants with grey boots.

He beamed at her, looking handsome enough to make her take a deep breath and imagine the amount of problems and heart breaking he would cause in some years. She wasn't prepared for that yet.

But when she turned to beam at her kid's mom was when she could hear her heart racing madly inside her ribcage. The fuck that woman was wearing was a sin.

Of course, even almost causing a heart attack, Regina looked regal, like a goddess, an angel or some crap along the lines. A deadly one, but one nonetheless.

Her short hair was arranged in a very majestic ponytail (who knew it was even possible?), she was wearing knee high boots as well, but of course, she was rocking them with heels. And her black riding leather pants deserved a trophy or a tribute. Probably both.

But when she eyed her torso was when she almost foolishly raised her hand to her chest for fear of her heart jumping out. She had a white corset with red laces and an evil cleavage that would surely explode her arrested heart inside her chest.

Emma was seriously gasping for air after that encounter with her boobs. They needed a fucking Nobel!

Her mind came up with a very silly urge to throw her face on that monument and kiss her breasts until she ran out of saliva. A very silly and very delicious fantasy. And truly crazy.

That was when she understood men's passion for a pair of tits. And she was oh so glad for being a woman in that moment. With how wet she got looking at that heavenly sight, there was no mistake she would be rock hard if she had different equipment.

But fucking God! She couldn't tear her eyes away from _her_. The bitch surely put her under a spell, that wasn't freaking possible. And the amount of times she roamed her eyes through Regina was probably lewd and very much unladylike but it would be easier to go blind than close her mouth or blink that seriously gorgeous image away.

Regina Mills: making women go gay since fucks know when.

"Whoa, looking good, Queen!" Well, she didn't need to go blind to tear her eyes away from Regina. Just hearing his fucking voice and blinking at his idiot face got her blood boiling for another reason. How dare him! "After this very fascinating fashion show, we should go on, ladies and lad." With that, the fucker strolled past them and gave Regina a wink that got her fist magically punching the back of his head. See? She was completely under a spell. "What the hell, Swan? Are you crazy?" He hissed at her but her only answer was to glare back at him and clench her teeth.

Stupid handless pirate!

"Come on, Hook! Let's go!" Henry saved his life dragging him by the sleeve of that ridiculous leather coat and for that she was glad.

Until she turned her eyes and Regina just happened to be standing majestically there with a crooked smirk on her red lips that was destroying her brain cells bit by bit. And the woman _had _to cross her arms under that pair of boobs that were unfortunately way too far from her mouth, making them all the more enticing.

What the fuck was wrong with her? Since when she wanted jump a woman so badly? And Regina fucking Mills at that!

If the blonde was honest to herself she would say that since the day she met the brunette wearing that grey dress.

But she wasn't. And she wouldn't deal with it now. Regina was dating that stupid thief and she was… Whatever.

What if she was attracted to her? Big fucking deal! Regina was smart, intelligent, moody, sassy, fucking hot and gracious, short tempered and maybe a little twisted, but who wasn't nowadays? Emma was only hu-

"Take a picture, dear, it will last longer." That fucking husky voice! It never failed to make her knees go weak!

Son of a bitch!

Regina sauntered past her swinging her hips like a freaking model and she had a mind to go through her pockets, but unfortunately she didn't bring her phone on this godforsaken trip. Not that she would take a picture of that evil, very evil woman.

But she totally would. And would take one especially of that ass. With zoom.

Not her fault the bitch was hot as every inch of hell.

(And instead of jogging to walk by her side, this time Emma made sure stay a step away after her. So what if she was leering at her ass like a teenage boy? Nobody could prove so that was that.)

Well, eventually they got to the village and Emma glared at every person who risked a stare at Regina's way. There was a teenage boy she actually had to grit her teeth to shoo him his way. He was lucky she didn't have her gun or that would have ended pretty differently.

"Well, here we are." She was too engrossed glaring her way into an old fucker's skull who was drooling like an asshole at the brunette to acknowledge Hook. "There! We could go to that tavern and see if we can sneak information out of someone. People get a lot friendlier when they are drunk." He kept talking and she only turned to look at him after she booed the old man away.

"You would know that." Regina snapped at him. He probably deserved.

The pirate only smirked and winked at her and she controlled her sudden urge to knock him dead. Her kid was there and he would be traumatized watching his mom slaughter someone. As well deserved as it would definitely be.

"Okay, let's go there." She let him go first and she caught a woman leering at Regina and weren't women supposed to be subtle and _straight_ in the Enchanted Forest?

Fuck that! She stared at the harlot with narrowed eyes and mentally cursed Hook for taking her magic away. The bitch would have another thing coming if Emma had her magic back.

"Emma, let's go." That husky whisper on her ear almost scared her soul out of her body and she glared at her tormentor who had a very sexy smirk and was looking amused from Emma to the whore who had a death wish. "She is not exactly bad." What the-

"What the hell, Regina? Henry's just here!" She looked around to prove her point but her kid, the traitor!, was sauntering away with Hook and the shameless pirate was a bad role model for her son. If she let that happen, Henry would be an alcoholic in no time and having STD's before finishing high school.

Her answer was a smirk that made her go hot all over and the woman turned to waltz her way inside that hellhole that would probably be blown as soon as Regina stepped inside and all those drunk losers decided to take a look at her.

Fucking hell! She didn't have a weapon!

"Emma, are you coming?" Oh how she wished she was!

Anyway, the brunette turned to look at her and crossed her arms – evil woman!

So there she was jogging to her side – only to glare more efficiently at people from beside her – in no time.

She was so engrossed in her new mission to scare people away with nasty glares that she lost the brunette's amused smile at her.

Until a little girl, not older than nine years old, came to them beaming at the former Evil Queen and she rolled her eyes. Those kids were way too fucking libidinous here.

"Hello! You are so very beautiful, ma'am!" The little blonde said smiling and Regina, obviously, beamed at her because she had to love all the attention. And she always had a soft spot for kids.

Just not the ones who held Henry captive, of course.

"Yeah, she is. Get over it." She almost said 'like I'm trying to' but refrained herself. No need to embarrass herself even more.

Though Regina's glare at the back of her head didn't falter and Emma rolled her eyes.

Whatever, she had better shit to do – like finding a way to go back to Storybrooke – than deal with that crap anyway.

* * *

"Why thank you, miss! You are also very pretty yourself." Regina grinned at the little girl while she glared at the Savior from the corner of her eye.

Why the woman had to be so rude to that lovely child? That was simply ridiculous!

Well, she decided to forget about the blonde statue glaring around with crossed arms by her side, it would do her no good. Instead, she focused on the little child beaming at her.

The girl was truly mesmerizing. She had ocean blue eyes and was a little smaller than Henry with her blonde hair adorned on a braid that fell on her shoulder. The girl wore a beautiful navy blue dress that said she wasn't a simple peasant, but what caught Regina's eyes were the blue gloves on her hands. It wasn't cold enough to wear them, but maybe her parents had some sort of OCD and didn't want their daughter touching anyone or anything.

Yes, her mother wasn't the only crazy monarch after all.

"Thank you! I'm Elsa, what's your name?" The little blonde said and Regina rolled the name on her mind, she was almost sure she had heard it before.

But she could think about that later because the girl asked her name and she definitely couldn't tell her the truth without knowing when in time they were – after all, she made quite a name for herself in her reign as the Evil Queen.

"Her name is Dianna." It was Emma who replied the blonde girl and she turned her question filled eyes to her. She wouldn't thank that rude Savior for the answer, but she was surely curious about her name choice. Why Dianna? "And my name is Emma." The Savior said after a beat and sounded friendlier.

The woman must be bipolar.

Looking very happy with herself for making new acquaintances, little Elsa beamed at them and decided to inquire further in her new friends' lives. "You are new here, right? Because I've never seen any of you, but my father doesn't let me get out of the castle much so you may not be that new." The kid blabbered and Regina smiled at her, the girl was something else.

Her smile fell as soon as she paid closer attention the girl's sentence on her head. First because the little blonde was probably a royal if she really lived in a castle; and second as it reminded her of her own childhood, when she was chained to a cold palace by Cora's iron fist. Quite literally.

Saying it didn't sit well with her was the understatement of the year.

But, surprisingly, who questioned the girl further was Emma.

"And why is that? Why he doesn't let you go out to play with other kids?" She asked like a social worker after she lowered herself to the tiny girl's level.

Little Elsa looked somewhat afraid and bit her bottom lip before answering.

Regina looked at the woman by her side and didn't have to word her concern because she saw the same questions in Emma's eyes. Who was the girl's father, why did he keep her locked and how did she get away?

"I'm not supposed to talk about it." Elsa said looking embarrassed and Regina felt the fury coming in waves from her companion.

"Hey, kid! No need to be afraid, okay? Whatever is happening, we will help you." The Savior said holding the child's gaze and smiling her crooked smile that set the brunette's heart into frenzy. Traitor heart. "You know, we have a kid a little older than you. He looks like a prince and he would be happy to be your new friend. I concede that he talks a lot and sometimes-" The blonde's gossip nonsense was cut short by the giggling little girl. Thank god for that.

"You two have a son together?" Or not.

Elsa looked as excited as Henry did on Christmas Eve and Regina had to take a deep breath to not berate the other woman for putting them in that position.

Even a girl with no more than eight years could leave the Savior tongue-tied.

"Yeah, we do." Emma answered almost afraid. The idiot.

"But you two are women." Not exactly. Regina was a woman and the former Sheriff was a childish fool. "How is that possible?" Well, Regina _dying _to see Miss Swan explaining that one.

"Well, we have magic together." The foolish Savior kept smiling and brunette didn't gasp but she knew her face was probably crimson. What in heavens was the blonde's angle? "So he is kind of our little miracle. It's like-" Of course Emma wouldn't stop to mortify her there! Lord forbid! And the former Evil Queen was _so_ dreading the end of that sentence that her blood was running cold inside her veins.

"Like me and my friend! That's awesome!" Fortunately, the little blonde saved the useless Savior and she breathed in relief.

"Yeah, that's very cool, isn't it, kid?" The idiot said with a fake smile that made Regina grit her teeth. So much for being smooth. "And what is your friend's name? Are you going to visit them?" She asked looking straight at Regina with questioning eyes (as if the brunette was supposed to know every single who ever came in contact with magic!) but smiled at the child probably just to keep the conversation flowing.

But well, Elsa's answer couldn't freak them both out more even if she had rehearsed it.

"Her name's Zelena and she's six." Regina paled and shivered after hearing that her wicked sister indeed managed to have the last laugh from grave. Or not, seeing that she was alive. Emma's hand sneaked its way into her on and she closed her eyes to digest all the information that child was frightening her with. "I'm actually going to see her now, so I don't have much time before one of my tutors come to collect me, but I suppose you could come up with me. She doesn't live in the castle because she and her mother are not rich. But I'm sure she'll want to be friends with you too after she knows you can make magic together so we won't be the only ones with it because it's kinda of a secret and people don't like it here. Father says that's because they are afraid of-"

She didn't faint because Emma held her hand and there was the stupid electricity running through her body again. That shiver was definitely fear to meet her mother and her crazy sister in a family reunion that would raise hells like nothing ever could.

Again.

"Yeah, kid! Why don't you show us the way and we will follow after you?" The Savior said with an ease Regina never knew she possessed and the little blonde nodded happily sauntering away. "Well fuck!" That colorful vocabulary couldn't belong to anyone but the woman by her side and lucky her Regina was too worried to reprehend such lewd language.

She took a deep breath and straightened her posture while thoughts crashed into themselves like cars without breaks.

First things first: Zelena was alive and not in Oz but that still didn't mean mother kept her. If she didn't, then she was probably on her way to guilt trip her father into marrying her to start her terror as a royal.

However what scared her most was the possibility of Cora keeping her first wicked spawn. What would it mean to Regina's existence if she did? Besides, the girl said Zelena was six and if that repulsive woman was an only child, wasn't Regina supposed to be born by now? What about her father?

And the most terrifying thought yet: what if she was never born? What would happen with Storybrooke and the curse and Henry?

But little Elsa said that Zelena wasn't rich and it was truly uncanny to think that her mother, her extremely revengeful and very heartless mother could assume a life being less than a maniac powerful and feared queen.

Could she still have her heart or did she already lose herself to dark magic? Maybe she was teaching her deranged heir to parade around the Enchanted Forest wreaking havoc of varying degrees, in her best way of showing motherly love.

Before she could drive further down that painful lane, the blonde by her side squeezed her hand in support.

And even with a messy mind she could feel Emma's hawk eyes on her face biting her lip and waiting for something.

(And Regina _just _knew she wouldn't wait long.)

When she finally grew tired of waiting – because that cursed family could never keep their mouths shut for a long time and the brunette knew best – she asked almost tentatively. "Are you-" She never heard the end of that question because it wasn't needed.

"No." She really wasn't, not in the slightest.

(And the honesty in her answer took both of them by surprise.)

However, all her thoughts, her trembling hands, her arrested heart and mumbled mind came to a rest as soon as the blonde held her in a firm and hard hug because the woman knew she would fight her arms and her compassion.

And she did, though the idiot never let go of her and whispered nothing on her ear for a very long while. Long enough for her fight to leave her and her trembling chin to find a spot at the woman's shoulder.

"It's okay, you are okay. _We_ are okay. And I got you." Regina scowled at the last statement, but it sounded a lot more like a sob.

Jesus! What did she become?

The brunette almost laughed imagining her mothe- no, _Zelena's _mother and her disapproving eyes, scorn in place hissing _'love is weakness'_. Not that she loved the crass Savior because that was laughable at best, but using the woman's shoulder to anchor her feelings was a weakness Cora would have never approved.

Neither would she approve her silly limbs encircling themselves around the blonde's waist with her asinine heart finding peace in such ordinary position or need for human contact.

(For a stupid human in special, her heart told her and her mind ignored it.)

How come after all the hell this obnoxious hooligan raised by destroying everything she held dear she was the only one able to ground her back like that? Besides Henry, of course. And not mentioning the blonde's brainless parents who were always easy to forgive and forget a vengeance that took over her life.

Idiots! All of them!

Fate had a sick sense of humor or simply hated her that much.

"I'm not leaving you, we'll be fine." She wasn't sure how many times she heard the fool whisper that to her and had no idea who she was trying to convince with such irrational lie.

But Regina trusted her. God help her, but she always did.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing and all the mistakes are mine.

* * *

As soon as he figured his moms weren't following him and Hook, Henry stopped and turned his eyes on them.

For fear that his mom must have killed his Ma after all that nasty staring she grossed them out with. He _really _didn't need to see that. And the pirate was muttering curses beside him with fuming jealousy.

But luckily they were both alive and talking to a tiny blonde girl a little behind them.

Trust Emma to be the only one who objectified his mom and survived.

(After all that ogling, his Ma couldn't pretend not to love his mom anymore. Yeah, even _without _the leering he was almost sure Emma had deep feeling for Regina, it only served to enflame his mom's ego. And creep the hell out of him.)

Anyway, he decided to watch them and plan his next move.

He already knew Emma wanted to kiss his mom (ew!), now he only needed to know if his mom would like to be kissed by Emma (double ew!).

Yeah, he could see Regina smiling when his Ma was muttering and staring daggers at anyone who dared to look at his mom. She looked highly amused by Emma's lack of manners and filter. But the important question was: was she only flattered by his Ma's attention and jealousy, or was she really thrilled because it was coming from his Ma and not someone else?

His gut said it was the second option, but if he asked the brunette she would definitely deny and curse the blonde some to cover her nerves.

In fact, he was sure his mom would curse his Ma regardless. And Emma would roll her eyes and cuss under her breath something like 'damn infuriating woman!' like she always did when Regina crossed her – which happened more frequently than not. Then his brunette mom would ignore her and smile to herself because those were his moms. Ever the crazier ones.

Why couldn't Emma invite her on a date or stop trying to get a rise out of the brunette like a normal person was something his teenager brain could never comprehend. As much as why couldn't Regina stop making empty threats in regards of his grandma's life just to set the blonde in an enraged mood escaped his mind.

It looked like they had a thing from bringing out the worst of each other just for fun.

It was like watching an endless tennis match with no winner.

He came back to his senses when Hook muttered again something about going to find him some rum and Henry rolled his eyes. Whatever, he had his operation to worry about, besides what the pirate did to his own liver was up to him.

And focus renewed on his plot, he turned to look back at them and couldn't help but smile seeing them hugging each other. He would have high fived himself it that was possible. Until he saw his mom's sad and frightened face and cursed his Ma under his breath.

What the hell did Emma do now?

After a second, he found himself jogging to them with a very long lecture on his lips to his Ma about his mom's feelings that was interrupted by the same little blonde they were talking with mere seconds ago.

"Emma, Dianna! Come this way!" The girl shouted happily walking in the same direction Hook went to get drunk. Only that it wasn't his main concern now. He furrowed his browns thinking who was that blonde kid and who in hell was Dianna?

"Henry!" His mom called him and almost knocked off his Ma in her hurry to untangle herself from the blonde's embrace. Yeah, Emma got pissed as always.

"Hey, moms!" He said smiling his best smile – that made his mom blink and look at his Ma who was back at glaring at whoever looked their way. His smile got bigger and he was a step from giggling. But he controlled himself. Until he remembered he had more urgent matters than dwelling on his moms crazy behavior (and undeniable feelings for each other). "So, will you tell me what's happening and who is the Dianna that girl was calling? And who's her too?" He rushed out of his breath and both his moms took deep breaths.

That made Emma stop glaring at a guy riding a horse – she glared fiercely enough to make the man stumble and almost fall on his back – and she looked back at his mom.

And that creepy stare conversation started again.

After his mom's nod, his Ma decided to include him in the new events. "Well, Dianna is your other mother." She said and he gaped at her like a fish. What the hell? "I mean, not your _other _mother because that's Regina and I don't even know a Dianna apart from that British princess who destroyed an amazing Mercedes and paid for that with her life." His mom was rolling her eyes and he was just staring wordlessly imagining what fuck Emma was trying to say. She rolled her eyes like his mom. "We don't know when in time we are now, kid, so we can go around introducing Regina as- well, Regina because we can screw something big with the timeline or whatever." She stopped and took a deep breath to center her thoughts while he was still looking lost. "So Regina's Dianna. Or Dianna's Regina, I'm not sure how to put it." Mom stared hatefully at Ma and the blonde just shrugged.

Oh well, that made sense. His mom was a second away to reprehend his Ma's way to explain that but he was faster.

"But why Dianna?" He asked Regina but the brunette was only glaring at Emma with a raised eyebrow. The shade of red engulfing his birth mom's face was very amusing. His mom agreed, of course, because she almost smiled at him.

Yeah, poor Ma.

"Er, what difference does it make anyway?" She asked exasperated but he only arched his eyebrow like mom while she crossed her arms making Emma go all gross again and stare at _his mom's chest_ like a fucking perv. He had half a mind to kick her shins but Regina cleared her throat (yeah, that's their secret signal or something) making Emma go redder than the devil after a sunburn. His mom smiled secretly enjoying it and he rolled his eyes. These two were seriously twisted. "I was thinking about the Wonder Woman, okay? Because I know the kid will come up with some hero's name or stuff like that and the fact that Dianna was also a real princess helped so whatever." Emma told his mom like he wasn't the one asking and he sighed.

She finished her babbler looking outraged and betrayed all the same and he had to give a smile at his mom who smiled just back at him while his Ma muttered something like 'damn Mills family!'. Now he understood his mom, his Ma was very amusing indeed.

"Okay, I get it now!" Henry said happily earning an eye roll from Emma and a pleased chuckle from Regina.

"Yeah, so if you two are finished being evil and ganging up on me, I believe we have a little girl to follow." His Ma said angry and started to march in the little girl's general direction like a child throwing a tantrum that made both brunettes roll their eyes. And Henry still wanted to know who the hell the blonde kid was.

He looked at his mom ready to ask but she didn't look happy anymore or willing to share information with him so he let go. There was always his Ma to sneak information out and he'd deal with it later.

They followed in silence until Emma stopped and waited for them with a heated stare that could melt steal. What was wrong now? He looked at Regina for an explanation but her tired sigh was enough to tell him that she was lost in her thoughts.

And Emma was still baring her teeth like a dog at everyone they passed.

"Where now?" His brunette mom asked but his Ma was locked in a vicious glare with a drunk man who was a leering at mom. Ugh! Very gross! His mom just narrowed her eyes with her Evil Queen's deadly snarl and the idiot gulped in fear.

From the corner of his eyes, Henry saw his birth mom looking smug and smiling victorious but didn't have the heart to tell her that it was his mom's diminutive glare that almost killed the guy right on spot, not her jealous stare.

His mom didn't point it out either.

"I saw the blonde girl going inside that tavern when I came to see you." He told them pointing at the place Hook decided to kill himself with rum and his Ma nodded at his mom who just sighed again.

Maybe it was her magic that was getting her tired.

Anyway, they resumed their walk and in less than five minutes they were standing at the door with Emma and Regina lost in another one of their bizarre wordless conversations again where his Ma looked worried and his mom took deep breath to steal herself. When she was satisfied, Regina nodded at his blonde mother and it was her time to grimace and straight her pose to look as mean she could.

Nothing that would come close to his mom's homicidal stares but yeah, she was getting there. Eventually.

They walked in after Emma politely held the door open and sooner than later they were being stared at like animals at the zoo. Mainly his mom – to his revulsion and Emma's unmatched fury.

Yeah, those stares she gave were as scary as his mom's famous glares.

"Emma, Dianna, you came!" The little girl said excited and that calmed his Ma's wrath, if only a bit. His mom actually smiled looking somewhat pleased to see the girl and he arched his eyebrow. Okay, what was that? "Oh and who is this?" The kid asked them pointing at him like he was the wrong one there! The hell?

"Oh, this is our son, kid. His name's Hen-" Emma started to talk but her sentence was cut short by a pained yelp caused by a heeled foot trampling on her. "What the-" That time his mom's pointy elbow found his Ma's ribs while she managed to smile innocently at the little girl and glare at Emma from the corner of her eye.

"His name is Peter." She said smiling at him and he probably had the same stupid face Emma was wearing because that made no sense." Peter, my prince, this is Elsa." His mom prompted him to look at the girl and he looked between the two of them before sighing and obeying his mom.

"I'm Peter Parker, it's a pleasure to meet you, milady." He needed a last name, right? So what if he chose to have the same as the Spiderman? It only made the lie a little funnier.

Well, with his new identity he bowed at the blonde as much as he remembered how.

His mom beamed at him delighted with his manners. And his Ma rolled her eyes with a smirk on her face probably because of his favorite hero's last name. Whatever. The girl bowed back innocently looking so happy that he couldn't help but grin to her.

"Nice to meet you, Peter Parker, I'm Elsa Frost, Princess of Arandelle." He gave her his best smile and bowed again. He didn't need to look to see the pride on his mom's features or the roll of his Ma's eyes. Thank god they didn't have comics here or he would be pretty screwed. "So where are you from, Peter? Are you a real prince? What are you doing here?" She asked in a beaming rush and he took a look at his moms.

They were being weirdos again with that wordless crappy talk while Emma bit her lip and Regina stared at her mouth way too long before slightly shaking her head and he sighed.

Whatever, if they didn't want to share stuff with him they would have to roll with whatever lie he chose to tell.

"Well, my mom, Dianna is a princess so I guess that makes me a prince, right?" He started and as soon as the words flew from his mouth, the three women were staring at him – each one with a different expression: Elsa was hanging on every word he said; Regina was looking afraid almost begging him to shut his mouth and Emma was glaring angrily at him. They could take that one for leaving him in the dark. So after the little blonde's nod, he kept going. "My other mom, Emma, she is a knight so she taught me how to use a sword and all that." Which was a complete lie and his mom's scoff at that wasn't lost on him. If he were to rely on his Ma's teaching ability to hold a sword he would be as handless as Hook by the end of the day. "And we are here to get to know Arandelle. It looks quite dashing."

With that, he gave the three women his best charming smile.

* * *

Her fucking traitor kid was spiting so many lies that she had to grit her teeth in a failed attempt to resist the urge to slap the back of his head.

How in hell would they support that lie of being noble when they knew close to nothing about this time line?

Regina too looked close to having a seizure and Emma had to take deep breath to calm herself.

Henry will be grounded until the day David stopped saying that they would always find each other, not a second before!

"That's so cool! Which kingdom are you from?" Of course the girl would hang on his every word. Jesus help the girls when their kid turned sixteen! There was no stopping that hellraiser boy!

And of fucking course he kept lying!

"We are from the United Kingdom. A little far away from here I'm afraid." She couldn't help but laugh maniacally at the lie and that, unfortunately, called some attention.

Like the kid who threw a nasty stare at her and his mom who looked disgusted at her behavior.

She couldn't help but picture Regina taking England by storm to assume her true nature as a Queen and ruling the United Kingdom like a motherfucker with a pretty pompous Prince Henry by her side and a very odd Emma in the background.

Although that crossed England out of their vacation trips. For Queen Elizabeth's safety, better not to entice Regina with that one.

"But why did you come all the way to Arandelle?" Well, she should ask her wicked friend that one, Emma thought darkly. Anyway, that question their sneaky kid couldn't answer and she almost smiled to herself seeing his desperate face. But she didn't because being caught up lying now wasn't on her plan. "Oh! Lemme guess! You're here for my Uncle Henry's ball?"

Now she understood why Regina almost pierced her foot to keep her from saying their little devil's real name, they were about to meet her father and their kid was named after him, so it only made sense.

The kid's answer was a quiet and confused 'yes' that got the blonde girl looking at the three of them in deep thought. She turned her eyes to Regina for some backup force but the brunette was pale and trembling like a leaf.

Well fuck, she was about to see her long dead dad again, it had to be shocking somehow. So without thinking, she put her arms on her waist and gently pushed her body in an awkward hug.

Surprisingly, the infuriating brunette accepted the hug and laid her chin back on the same spot where her shoulder met her neck. She would have smiled at having the woman in her arms again without having to fight to hug her but she wasn't _that_ emotionally impaired.

Emma nodded at their kid in a message that it was everything okay or whatever. Just so he could keep lying to the girl while his mom calmed herself.

She tried at least.

"Looking cozy there, ladies!" Fucking Hook's booming voice almost made Regina jump far away from her and she snarled at the stupid man. Who the fuck he thought he was? "Sorry to interrupt, lassies, I just came to see if you want a drink or something." Son of a bitch!

Trust him to appear holding a bottle on his only hand and a smirk that she couldn't help but want to slap off his face. Regina looked repulsed as if his very existence was a personal attack to her happiness.

Emma shared the sentiment.

The useless pirate looked between the four of them with his arched eyebrow, probably thinking he was charming. She scowled at him. Regina crossed her fucking arms and stared at Henry.

Emma caught her eyes in time before they fell on Regina's very evil cleavage. She _so _didn't need to ogle the woman now.

"So you are here to marry Uncle Henry, Princess Dianna?" Elsa, oblivious to the hell she was raising, asked and Regina surely looked like she was about to faint or throw up. Jesus Christ! That was all kinds of fucked up!

But then the kid decided to come to his mom's rescue.

Or so she thought.

"No! She is already married to my other mom! We are not here for _that._" He spitted with much disgust that she almost patted him on the back for the save. But that was before looking at the brunette who went from pale to burning red and snatched the bottle from Hook's single hand and gulped from it like an alcoholic giving in her addiction.

The pirate made a face, Henry completely ignored his mom's behavior and Emma sighed deeply feeling a headache already forming behind her eyes.

It was about to get worse, her gut told her that.

"Elsa! You are late! I was trying to find you everywhere!" A strawberry blonde girl came rushing towards them and that only urged the feeling of dread she couldn't seem to shake off. "Who are you talking to? It's mom's break now so we can play!" The talkative girl stared at them and back at her friend with a question on her eyes. "So are they _yous_ new friends? Don't you wanna be my friend anymore?" The girl pouted to her friend.

Emma had to give it to the little girl; she was kinda cute with her wrong pronunciation and all that. But if her gut was right about her (and it probably was) she couldn't help but put a hand on their kid and his mom's shoulders for moral support.

Henry looked ecstatic at her and Regina resumed her mission to finish Hook's rum like it was the last day to live. And the pirate, thankfully, was alarmed but kept his mouth shut.

"Zelena, don't be silly! I'll never leave you for anyone! You are my best friend in the whole world, you fool!" She would have smiled at the confession if her stomach wasn't tightening in knots.

Oh yes, that cute ginger was their reason to be stuck in the fucking past without a single way to go back just because she had abandonment issues. The little whore!

"Bloody hell!" Hook muttered looking pale; Regina inhaled more alcohol than her old and beaten Bug; Henry clapped his hands to his face with wide fearful eyes looking like a perfect recreation of 'The Scream' by Munch. Emma massaged her temples waiting for the kid to introduce himself to his auntie Zelena. At least he was too shocked to run his mouth now. "I'll take another one of this for us." The pirate said motioning to the bottle and glancing at Regina with an exhausted expression before turning on his heels to drink his way to his grave.

"Bring two." Regina said simply after she took the last swing of that crap and closed her eyes to fight a headache or to will her magic to transport them back home.

If only.

"So these are my new friends Peter, his mom Emma and his other mom Dianna. That's Zelena, the friend I told you guys about." The blonde girl said as happy as ever and Emma took upon herself to make up for both brunettes strange behavior – the kid was looking sick and still horrified and Regina was set as straight as an arrow with narrowed eyes. "They are married and they have magic!" She whispered to the wicked little devil and Emma had to roll her eyes to the unbelieving look they received from Zelena.

Such a bitch!

Why was it so impossible to be married to Regina? She had her qualities; she was _the _Savior, not a foul thief living in the woods with a bunch of creepers who called themselves Merry Men! There was no way in hell stupid Robin was better than her!

He wasn't even there trying to comfort the brunette! He didn't go after her when she didn't come back to the diner! He didn't save her time and time again! He didn't have a son with her either!

So yeah, Emma considered herself a better match to the short tempered Mayor even if it was fake!

Whatever, she turned her glare the hellish ginger girl. The little shit!

"Well, as your friend said, I'm Emma and this is _my wife _Diannaand _our _son Peter." She felt pretty idiot for arguing with a child, as possessed and wicked as said child could be, but she still stretched her sentence like a maniac.

That probably explained their son's cunning stare and his mom's arched brow. By the looks of it, they forgot about the little fucker as soon as Emma said that, those traitors!

Fuck that! No kid would make her feel bad about herself or judge her and not an immoral one at that! So she crossed her arms and threw a nasty glare to the little hellion. Oh how she would love to have her badge to show her authority to tiny Zelena.

Suck that!

"Zelena and Elsa! What have I told you about talking to strangers?" Her victorious mood died as soon as a woman with auburn hair almost materialized herself behind the girls making both of them look scared and Regina go even paler. "And why are you here and not outside playing?" Unaware to the wreck she was causing by merely existing, the woman kept her stance so straight they could have served dinner on her back. She chastised them with a parental voice and the girls looked reprimanded and truly guilty.

Then she looked to the three of them and Emma just realized who in hell was that angry bitch. Yeah, she was pretty younger – around Regina's age in fact, not that she knew how old the brunette was or whatever – but her auburn hair was a giveaway and that cutting stare was still mastered to perfection.

That was Cora Mills, resident heart robber, manipulative mother extraordinaire and everlasting pain in her ass staring angrily at her.

Well fuck.

"Oh God!" Regina whined by her side and that was when she wrapped her mind around the fact that: a) she was seeing her impious, bitchy and controlling mother back from the dead in front of her very eyes looking as dangerous as ever and b) she was probably used to be on the receiving end of that tone of voice and crossed glare.

And that was before Cora decided to look at her daughter with hard eyes.

She held Regina's hand tightly and sneered at her motherfucking mommy dearest with fury. That whore traumatized the brunette enough for a lifetime; Emma wouldn't let her do it again because her older fucking spawn decided to play God.

Of fucking course the woman eyed their hands together and arched her eyebrow with a displeased frown on her face.

No matter the time line, the bitch would never like her.

"Here, Queen, one for and one for- Jesus fucking Christ!" That was Hook coming back, two bottles in one hand exclaiming in shock after he tried to give a bottle of that nasty rum to a motionless Regina only to follow her eyes and come to face a very alive, young and kinda murderous looking Cora.

Nothing new with the last part.

Both of them said nothing after that, the pirate only opened both bottles with his hook and trembling hand still looking at his long gone killer buddy and gave the former Evil Queen one bottle before they gulped the alcohol almost at the same time.

"Watch you crude language, _mister_, there are children around." Cora, the minister of first-class manners and role model of good behavior, snapped at him looking outraged with such vocabulary. Hook chocked and eyed a shaky Regina with wild eyes. "And Jesus would never drink such distasteful beverage!" She continued with a grimace at them both and crossed arms.

Well, that was new. Cora knowing the Bible was as fucked up as Rumple hugging children – both hallucinations only scared the living lights out of her.

Next step, the Queen of Hearts will be killing in God's name like The Crusades and there will be no stopping that madness.

"I apologize, milady." The pirate bowed and the addressed woman almost sneered in anger.

The two girls hid behind the unleashed psychotic murderer on a one woman mission to spread God's message and eternal love around the earth, no matter the costs and their kid did the same stepping behind her and Regina.

That ought to be the most terrifying family reunion known to man.

Hook straightened his jaw with narrowed eyes at his old evil buddy. Said buddy just glared fiercely back at him and Emma was almost expecting a fireball to be thrown, a right hook on his face or a chair to fly his way.

But it didn't happen and she was relieved.

"Who are you and what do you want with my girls?" The Queen of Hearts asked menacingly and Emma hoped for the other three brunettes to say something before she attacked the woman and screwed their time line forever.

She looked back at the former Mayor who was much invested in her drink and Killian who was staring fiercely at his best friend almost afraid to blink and never see the woman again. Yeah, that was weird.

"Hello, milady, I'm Peter Parker and those are my moms, Dianna and Emma and my Uncle Killian. It's very nice to meet you." Her kid saved their asses with that smooth lie accompanied by a respectful bow. God bless him!

Emma's smile was almost pained and the witch must have thought she had some sort of disability. Cora narrowed her eyes at her and she pretended not to see the lies turnings inside the woman's head.

"The pleasure is mine, but you haven't answered what you want with my kids." She demanded again. Emma took a deep breath again. Regina and Hook gulped at their bottles again. And her kid was the one to answer her. Again.

"I was talking to Elsa and we just met Zelena. We were actually talking about-"

"About how Emma and Dianna could teach us to how to deal with our magic, Cora. They can make magic too." Elsa ruined their lives after that sentence.

Regina looked fully scandalized and mortified at the mere prospect of teaching magic to her deranged mother and wicked sister; Hook chocked on his rum again and had a pitiable coughing fit and Henry was suddenly very mute and Emma just wanted to just crawl in a fucking coffin and die.

The woman wasn't amused and pushed the girls back behind her to act like a human shield – something about that made Regina whimper in pain at her side. "Of course they can." She said in a sinister way with dripping sarcasm, the bitch.

The pirate grimaced at the brunette and her mother so Emma let go of her hand to take two steps to stay between Regina and fucking Cora. Like hell she would let that bitch destroy Regina again after everything she did.

"Here's the thing, lady, I don't know you and I don't care whether you like us or not. But if you are planning to threaten my family, you have another thing coming!" She sneered at the woman who only stared at her with narrowed eyes.

You can change the time and the family function but Cora was born to screw her life over.

"Oh now I will?" That woman! Jesus Christ! "Because you, peasant, can take your threat and your magic and vanish with your dysfunctional family out of my sight!" Cora hissed and Emma didn't know what enraged her more: if it was being called a peasant by a bartender or when said bartender made such homophobic comment about _her _family; as fake as it might have been. What a bitch! The Savior scowled at her and the only thing that prevented her from punching the grimace out of her face was Regina's hand pulling her forearm. Yes, the former Evil Queen was shying away from violence, the world can end already. "And you can tell the man who sent you here that I may not have magic like him, but I'll die protecting my child!" The witch snapped back but she reminded herself that this crazy whore was still Regina's mother so the brunette didn't want the woman to have her ass kicked.

And wait a minute, what the hell did she say?

Regina took deep breaths and thankfully got out of her Hook funky to drink her life away. Emma took a step back in favor to stand by Regina's side and put the same arm the brunette was pulling a second ago around her waist for moral support. Not because her wandering hands were dying to touch and comfort the sad woman. Never because of that.

But her glare at Cora never wavered.

The former Mayor was so torn that she not only accepted her –well, helping hand, but she relied on it and put her head on the blonde's neck again.

(And Emma prayed for every fuck that could hear her to not let the woman feel her crazy pulse.)

This had to be the worst emotional rollercoaster of Regina's whole life after she broke her curse and all that. And Emma knew how crappy it was to see her parents loving and caring for another child when they didn't care enough about you.

"What in hell are you talking about, lady?" The time had come when she was saved by fucking Hook. Who would have guessed? "Why do you believe someone sent us here and who would have done that?" But it got better when he decided to play Prince fucking Charming.

Cora turned her glare at him. He gulped.

"I believe I made myself quite clear, _mister_." She said with disgust and Emma stared blankly from one to another. Cora looked furious and the pirate had a wondering expression. Well, stranger things have happened.

"We were not sent here by a _man_, lady. We came to because we were invited to Prince Henry's ball." The pirate got his act together and stepped in front of them to talk directly to his evil pal.

The other woman was not convinced.

But then again, neither would be Emma if she were in her position and some crass, drunk, crazy and handless guy claimed to be invited by a Prince to a ball.

"Yeah? And what, pray I ask, are you doing here instead of staying inside the castle to be treated by the King and his Queen?" The bitch was hard to break.

Hook smirked at her. That one was a stubborn idiot all right.

"Because, lady, as I said, we are here to see Prince Henry and if I ever had to spend more than a few hours in the company of the King and the Queen they won't make it to the next day." So he knew Elsa's parents then? That was strange. The pirate smirked because he probably knew how to deal with the conniver mad lady. Well, back to the matter at hand, Cora looked a little off and stared at her long forgotten sidekick with something like respect. Of course the way to the bitch's heart would be mentioning somebody else's demise. "So I consider this a gift to stay out of their damned castle."

The tiny blonde looked afraid to both of them and her little devilish friend held her hand in support. Whatever Hook planned to do to the girl's parents was truly supported and deeply encouraged by Cora. These twisted fuckers!

They stared at each other for a real long time and after that love spar Emma contemplated the nature of their relationship. Maybe they were a little more than killing mates back then because the way they were looking at each other was kinda weird. Cora was looking almost content.

Or maybe Elsa's parents deserve to die after all. Who knew?

But her analyzing capacity went straight to hell when Regina whispered a very sexy 'of course' near her ear and made her whole body tremble.

(That time she did put her hand in front of her heart because Cora might not be the Queen of Hearts yet, but she wouldn't risk having the woman's hand inside her chest again to prove that theory. It wasn't very pleasing.)

"What?" She whispered in a husky and low tone because she was only human. And Regina was making her life too damn difficult already.

The two revengeful mates were talking again – with the woman probably barking orders like a Queen and her sidekick sharing his torture methods. What a couple!

It would have been a conversation to focus on but the woman on her arms had her brain short-circuiting with only a deep breath.

Yeah, she was screwed.

Said woman raised her head and looked inside her eyes with a force that almost knocked her dead on the spot and Emma gulped and blinked like a moron.

"She is afraid of a man trying to take _my sister _from her." The way Regina spitted the sentence left little to no room for misunderstanding. Yup, Zelena could be a talkative little demon now, but her sister still hated her guts. "The question is who could be this man?" She continued in wonder, probably scheming an alliance with the creeper or planning revenge against him.

Whatever lane she decided to take, plotting was her finest trait after all.

"Can you think of someone?" Emma asked as soon as her counterpart favored a look around and let her poor heart slow its rhythm.

It didn't last long and as soon as those deep chocolate eyes turned to her face her heart ricocheted inside its ribcage.

Some things never changed.

"I believe she could be talking about my sister's father, he must be the one to give her magic, seeing that mother doesn't know how to touch it yet."All Emma could manage was a deep breath and a faint nod. But Regina was already back to her sexy teacher mood. "With the difference in the timeline he is probably trying to find them to send her to Oz to fulfill her destiny." She whispered way too close too her face and Emma's breathing got erratic and her brain didn't comprehend anything that was being said.

"Yeah…" She agreed with something. It could have been murder for all she knew.

Lucky her, Regina kept talking.

"But then again she could be afraid of Rumpel. Maybe she made a deal with him. Again." Emma didn't dare to ask about it, she was far from interested in the bitch's parenting skills and didn't need another reason to want to cut her throat very painfully and slowly. Regina invaded her personal space one more time and there was her heart doing somersaults. Emma swallowed hard. "Do you know what that means?" Regina moved to whisper on her ear.

Yeah, Emma was pretty sure that means she was having a heart attack.

Anyway, the brunette was waiting for an answer so she muttered a strangled 'no' and shook her head in case her voice sounded as creepy to the woman as it did to her ears.

If the brunette took notice, she didn't say.

"It means that we have to find out who this person is and make a choice between protecting both of them from this mysterious man she is so scared of or help him get rid of my sister." She took a deep breath and Emma shivered from head to toes. "But there's no telling what may happen if we choose one or the other. Our timeline is already changed." That called her attention.

Well, not exactly _that_. But it would have to do.

"So what do you suggest?" She asked quietly and Regina took a moment to examine her face and her expression. 'Please don't let her see' was rolling like a mantra inside her head and after sometime her prayer was answered and Regina turned to look at her mother and her sister in deep concentration.

Fuck! People were right when they told her to be careful what she wished for.

"I suppose you all could stay here a little longer as I finish my schedule and we can talk somewhere more private." Emma heard Cora's voice on the background and the cruel woman stared seriously at her handless mate before chancing a wondering look to her younger daughter.

But now she was kinda older than the wicked bitch, so that was a little hard to understand.

The brunette nodded to her devilish mother and the Queen of Hearts did the same before turning to their kid and smiling at him contently. Henry, obviously, beamed back because that kid would befriend a demon if he knew it was somehow connected to his family.

He was doing it anyway with his sick grandmother.

His brunette mom blinked desperately – to get rid of tears, Emma thought – and bit her lip admiring that train wreck of an afternoon.

Hook was looking fondly at Cora, rum long forgotten – and that would have been laughable if it wasn't so twisted –, the impious woman was staring intently at him with amusement. Their kid was babbling his mouth like David Letterman, probably lying through his teeth while little Elsa had proud eyes to her wicked friend and an arm around the little demoniac ginger's shoulder and said little whore was chattering away with Henry like the world was about to end in silence.

Then Mommy of the Year excused herself back to serving those drunk fuckers asking the girls to be good and not curse anyone without her supervision or just to wait for her to witness anyone's humiliation or death. Hook decided to go talk to the group with his mental age and the four of them went to a table.

The kid gave them a look before following those creepers that only needed Regina's curt nod to make him grin and chase after his new and evil BFFs.

Seriously, they had to keep tabs on the kid or lord help them when his sinister friends snatched him away on their dark plots! The only one who, as far as they knew, wasn't an arrogant murderer was Elsa but that was still up for debate.

Before she could shout Henry to beware of those wicked villains, his mom looked back at her and there went that thought.

"We are going to protect them." Regina said with determination and Emma felt a warm happy feeling took hold of her. She never felt as proud of another person as she did then. The kid didn't count. "But we have to make sure to take her to meet my father or I don't know what may happen." Of course! Even if meant drugging Cora and tying the woman to a bed, the blonde had no qualms about the approach if she just had to ensure Regina was born. She only hoped that it wouldn't come to that.

She kinda didn't want to be part of rape and everything.

(Even if the lady was an impious bitch, violence against woman was still one of her buttons.

But if that meant having her younger and infuriating daughter to annoy the hell out of her… Well, her morals would have to be overlooked.)

As if she sensed Emma's goofy smile and proud eyes, the brunette turned at her to give her a smile so bright that it could cure cancer – and her heart simply soared, as sappy as it seemed. And she beamed back like a creeper with a crush.

A vengeful, bitchy, uptight, sassy, moody and oh so very gorgeous crush at that.

Well crap! She got it bad!


End file.
